Old as the Hills

        First off, I am drinking sparkling wine out of a miniature pink can with a tiny pink straw included in the package.

      Don't judge me- the staff picked it

        I felt super bad ass today because I went running down by the water front even though the weather was shit.  I ran 5 miles at an average 8 minutes 45 seconds pace- this is fast for me.  I then went to yoga.  It was a freaking glorious morning.  I would be in amazing shape if I never had to go to a job, and all I did was work out.  Also, it would help if I didn't drink sparkling wine out of cans.  It does have a bendy straw, though- how could I pass this up?!  Does this make me old?

        This weekend I was further reminded that I am slowly growing old and senile.  At approximately 10 pm every night, I became incredibly tired, and simply had to go to bed.  I mean, it was as though it were 4 am, I was so tired all of the sudden.   I got really fussy, you guys.  And then, Saturday morning I woke up at 7am and could not get back to sleep for the life of me.  Question: am I thirty or seventy four? 

        There are other serious signs of aging that I have noticed.  The main one being my lack of ability to work technology.  I should have seen this one coming because I historically have no patience for people I deem old who can't work a computer, camera, microwave, DVD player, etc.  Karma's a bitch, as they say.  

       
         I was volunteering at a children's Halloween event last weekend; there were a bunch of UW college kids who were helping out as well.  (Yes, I know, the fact that I think of them as "kids" makes me old in and of itself.)  This group wanted their picture taken, and I couldn't figure out how to work the camera.  "Fuck," I thought to myself, "I am so not going to be that old lady who can't work a Nikon Coolpix.  Ashton Kutcher and I are the same age, damn it!"  I futzed around with it, and yelled at the Huskies (University of Washington Mascot- nothing to do with the size of individual volunteers) to move in because they couldn't all fit in the picture.  Finally, the owner of the camera came over, and pressed a few buttons.  "You had it zoomed in.  I just fixed it for you."  Then she bounced over to her friends, rolling her eyes.  F my life.  I just became everything I said I never would.  Old.

        The good news is, once you are old, you can fart whenever and wherever you want, and you don't have to feel sorry about it.  Also, you can wear bright colors that don't match and say things like, "My stars!" and "Oh, for the love of Pete!"  Or if you wanted to be like my Grandma Donna, just shout, "Goddamnit you kids stop fighting- you're going to make me get in a wreck!" and "I can't believe they made me pay 25 cents for a goddamn thing of sour cream."  (That last quote was in reference to a tablespoon of sour cream she ordered extra at Taco Bell right after my brother and sister and I almost killed us all by fighting in the back seat of her 1986 white Toyota Corolla.)  

       

I have a head start on dressing old- obvi

        I guess all I can do is enjoy life, and respect my elders.  Pretty soon I will be one of them, and I don't want those damn kids rolling their eyes at me behind my back when I am.