I'm gonna pop some tags
I only got twenty dollars in my pocket
I, I'm huntin'- lookin' for a come-up
This is f*&$ing awesome...
...Ima take it grandpa style
Ima take it grandpa style
No for real- ask your grandpa
Can I have his hand me downs?
I'm not saying this happened... because if it did, Eric would never admit I am that insane, and Kittles doesn't speak English, so there are no credible witnesses.
*warning- this is an explicit version of "Thrift Shop"*
If it had happened, it would have included some serious hip hop mom-dancing. It would have been incredible, and not awkward or embarrassing for anyone at all.
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| This painting at McMenamins' Hotel Oregon is awkward and embarrassing for all of us. |
Imagine this: (Don't worry, I am not going to subject you to picturing me hip hop mom dancing in my UGGs with a Hurley sweatshirt and skinny jeans on- at least no more than I already have.) Seriously, envision a small microbrewery. The beer is well above average, and the staff is the perfect mix of awkward, embarrassing, and completely endearing.
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| Said endearing staff may have accidentally stabbed this vat of beer with a butter knife and then told Eric and I, "Thanks for rocking out with us tonight." |
Hey, any time I am not sitting on the couch in my sweats, it's a win. Going to Schooner Exact Brewery is as "rock out" as I get these days. I'm 31 years old here, people. What do you want from me? (I probably over-shared some or all of the above with Mark, our delightfully geeky server and beer expert. )
Okay, now envision my most hated microbrewery, Elysian Brewing Company- or as I like to call them, The Evil Empire. Picture rude servers that think they are too cool for school, and frozen crab cakes that are poorly heated, then slopped on a pretentious square plate in front of you while the same horrendously foolish server scowls on as you try to order a second beer. Schooner Exact is the exact opposite of this. Schooner is amaze-balls to the max.
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| This is how you do Orecciette, Evil Empire- take notes. |
I would never admit to being a romantic person. However, if a person was inclined to be romantic, he or she would love Schooner exact, not only for the friendly service, delicious food, and excellent beer, but also for the atmosphere. There is an unfinished cement floor, beer aging in bourbon barrels, an unidentifiable, yet undeniable indie song playing in the background; it feels like true love.
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| If bourbon aged holiday beer isn't true love, I don't know what is. |
Speaking of true love, and Macklemore...
And I can't change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
I can't change...
Here's the thing. I hate Elysian because they make me feel like an idiot for existing. I love Schooner because I can walk in basically having a seizure from excitement that their kitchen is open, and not only do they not make me feel like an idiot- they make me feel like who I am is...okay. Mark even seemed mildly amused at my complete insanity over their kitchen opening.
Obviously, there is no comparison between food, and the right to marry whomever you want. Obviously.
All I'm saying is, think about who you are. Think about what makes you you. Think about what it feels like to fall in love. Whoever you are, be you; it's beautiful*.
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*Unless you are some kind of killer- in which case, you should probably seek therapy and serious anti-psychotic medications. If that is the case, maybe don't be you.
