Femoral Anteversion

        I was thinking today how "Femoral Anteversion" would be a rad name for a band.  I was also thinking I should make a bumper sticker that says, "Back Fat Sux."  Neither one of these thoughts has anything to do with anything, but I thought it might be a good attention getter.  Feedback welcome.

        Have you ever seen the show, "Dirty Jobs" with Mike Rowe?  It aired on Discovery Channel, and for those of you not familiar with the concept, it's pretty self explanatory.  This dude goes to random sites and follows people who make you think, "At least I don't have to do that for a living."  I used to watch it frequently, and cringed as the host toured/ interned with sewage plant treatment workers, maggot farmers, and owl vomit collectors.  To my knowledge, he never did a show following an inpatient nurse.  I assume this is because of HIPPA and crap like that (pardon my sad attempt at irony and the use of "crap" in this instance.)

I always make this face at work

        If you have never sent the following text to a friend, your job does not qualify as a "Dirty Job:"

        Emergency.  I need to borrow a pair of jeans- a kids' scab flew onto my pants, and I can't stand the thought of it.

        Qualifier: if you have sent this exact text to a friend in a moment of scab-fearing panic, but it is the grossest thing that has ever happened to you at work, you don't have a "Dirty Job."

        Then, there are people who have the kind of jobs where they get to meet celebrities, have  company credit cards and tons of free products.  Sometimes we get a pen with our logo on it, but I don't think that counts as swag, nor do I think our nurse recruiters use this as a selling point.  I was feeling mildly sorry for myself a couple of weeks ago because within days of each other, I spent time with two friends who have seriously glamorous jobs.

       About a month ago I walked in to my friend's house in Portland.  "Hi! I have presents for you guys," she smiled.  I was thinking, "I really hope it's candy."  Turns out it was a Nike running jacket and yoga pants.  Super amaze-balls.  As if that wasn't cool enough, she informed me, "Michelle Obama tried on that jacket."

   Me:     "Right.  Like the same style Jacket?"

   Carly: "No, like that exact same jacket."

   Me: "Bullshit."

   Carly: "No really.  She did!"

   Me:  "You're just messing with me."

    Carly: "I swear to god!"

    Me:  "Sweet."

        I told myself I was going to play it cool about wearing Michelle Obama's running jacket.  "I don't get starstruck," I coached myself.  Turns out, I can't shut up about it, and everyone reading this has already heard this story five thousand times.  My point is, Carly just flew to Chicago and had this insane event with tons of athletes and Michelle Obama.  NBD.  What did I do last week?   Hm... I took some stitches out of a stinky foot...

Those are my feet- they don't stink.

        Three days later, I had dinner with one of my [only] friends from high school.  She's a producer for a major national broadcasting company.  Obviously.  She flies places, interviews all kinds of fools, and has a company credit card.  *sigh*  She very nicely tried to tell me that I also had a glamorous job too, after I told her how strange it is to have friends with her fancy kind of employment.  I laughed in her face, and decided not to tell her how a kid's pee dripped all over my shoe a couple of Friday's ago.  Living the dream.

In a Hospital, it would be Pee Soup Anderson's

        Okay, so fine-  I do not have a glamorous job.  I have a dirty job.  (A scab flying on to my pants is absolutely not the grossest thing that has ever happened to me at work.)  I have never met Michelle Obama, and will likely never have any kind of a company credit card.  

        Let me tell you something those fancy jobs don't come with.

Amazing artwork like this.

        Whether or not you are schmoozing with Nike athletes and first ladies, producing that perfect interview, or dodging bio hazardous materials, hopefully it is something that you enjoy.  May we all be so lucky as to receive a "hand drawn photo that really happened," or a nickname as awesome as "Lady Zebra Bubbles," even if it means getting a little scabby along the way.