Perrier and Ratsicles

        Not that it really matters, but I made an addendum to my previous blog entry, "Baller" yesterday.  It might not even be worth going back to peruse, but you might wonder about it if you don't.

        If you like to work smarter not harder, you should be well acquainted with how to be fancy.  Fancy people work minimally, if at all.  Nothing screams "I am fancy" like a nice bottle of Perrier.  Also, it is French, which automatically makes it a pretentious - I - only- work- here- to- get- out- of- the- house- sort of beverage.  You are practically required to extend a pinky while drinking this mineral water.  I just ordered three cases from Amazon, so yeah...I'm kind of a big deal.

Le fanciest

        With the help of Pink Grapefruit Perrier, I worked smart again today.  True, I did wake up at 0730 to go to Pilates, but then I went to Starbucks for an Americano and a mini doughnut-obvi.  Next, of course, my driver- I mean Eric- dropped me off downtown at my hair appointment.   The rest of the day has consisted of eating Thai food and booking international travel in my pajamas.  Perrier bottles consumed: 2.

        Now, the term "ratsicles" (like a popsicle with plague inciting capabilities) is one I have invented to try and reduce cursing in public.   It is along the lines of saying "Justin Bieber!" instead of taking the Lord's name in vain.  For instance, if you stub your toe, you can just shout out "Justin Bieber!"  I think it's less offensive to shout the name of a teeny bopper pop icon than Deity, but I can't be sure since people look at me with disgust either way.  

        If something goes quite wrong, and uttering "rats!" will simply just not do, adding "sicles" as a suffix will give it a bit more oomph.  Does anyone love rats?  Okay, not lab rats or pet rats, but sewer type rats that swim up toilets on Queen Anne.  Disgusting, right?  Horrible, right?  

ewwww

        What could be worse than a rat?  A frozen rat on a stick.  Hence, ratsicle- double ewwww.  Feel free to use the term whenever there is something that is not awful enough to require true profanity, but it is a gross enough misdemeanor as to require more than the Mickey Mouse Club response of, "Rats!"  Please see examples below.

Situation                                                                                         Appropriate Response

Out of Pink Grapefruit Perrier                                                         Rats!

 Rat infestation in Perrier supply                                                      Ratsicles!

                                                   

        This has been your lesson in decorum and fanciness.  You're welcome.