Eric and I went to Vancouver, B.C. to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. Yeah, we're a year into this marriage, and I have to say, we are nailing it.
 |
| Obvi. |
Now, I know what you're thinking. Why Canada, eh? I have to admit, I asked myself the same question. Here's what I've come up with as the pros for Canadian living so far...
1.) You can run around Stanley Park and leave your pepper spray at home.
I did not worry about getting murdered even once while I was in Vancouver. If you know me, you know this is really saying something about a city. Also, I am pretty sure you get arrested if you bring pepper spray across the Canadian border. Canadians do not carry weapons. Hence, why a person can run without a fear of getting stabbed by a homeless person- which brings me to my next point.
2.) I saw 8.5 homeless people the whole time I was there.
Usually, I see more homeless people by the time I leave my block. Excellent job, Canada for keeping people employed and preventing public urination- which brings me to my next point.
3.) It doesn't smell like pee in Vancouver. At all.
Have you been to Pioneer Square? Furthermore, have you been to Portland? Then you appreciate a pee free zone as much as I do.
4.) Poutine.
Yes, you will absolutely feel like a disgusting human being if you eat this, but it always seems like a good idea at the time.
5.) People are considerate. (They get out of your way.)
So, that f*@# yeah attitude that I love? Not so much when a burly fool is walking on my side of the sidewalk and refuses to move an inch so I don't trip and fall into rat infested bushes. In fact, sometimes, I purposely bump into people. Usually, I do this when I am running, and they are looking right at me. I think to myself, "Look at this asshole, I am clearly working harder than he is," and then I just brush 'em back a bit. But in the magical land of Canada, pedestrians can spot each other from approximately 6 blocks away, and promptly cross the street to avoid any conflict. This saves me from having to act like a jack wagon, and any time this happens, I view it as a plus.
I hope you're ready for the cons. (Come on, you had to know they were coming.)
1.) People don't know how to hustle.
Here in the U.S., a server at a restaurant will try to up-sell you on everything. For instance, if you find yourself low on beer, a member of the waitstaff will come by at the perfect time and refill your water glass to ask, yet mostly just tell you, "You guys need another beer?" In Canada, the servers walk away absentmindedly after pouring your water. This practically requires the customer to tackle them in order to get refills. I think they don't want to be pushy (see pro #5) and, therefore, avoid conflict at all costs. This is mostly fine- except when you need a second beer. (Which is always.)
2.) The ketchup is too vinegar-y.
Yes, the ketchup has too much vinegar in it; plus, there is not even a bottle on your table. They bring mini ramekins out by request only. What if you really like ketchup? Combine that with the fact that you have to clothesline a server to get an item you are willing to pay for, such as booze, and you realize that you are SOL when it comes to obtaining free condiments.
3.) Their dollar is better (slightly) than ours.
Lame. When a country has coins referred to as Loonies and Toonies (not joking,) it begs the question as to whether this nation's choice in currency names is, perhaps, a commentary on the population's general mindset.
4.) They still answer to the Queen.
Queen Elizabeth is the head of state. You all know how I feel about England.
5.) There is barely any security when crossing from the US to Canada.
I have to say, the ease with which we got through the border patrol on the way to Canada was nice. It took all of two minutes to tell the agent we were visiting Vancouver for our anniversary. Yeah, it was nice... until I realized she believed us. Do you know how easy it would be to sneak, well, anything into that place? I could have brought my pepper spray after all, and those fools would have been none the wiser. I started to freak about all the terrorists that could sneak into Canada, undetected. Just when my brain was about to explode (no terrorist pun intended) at the possibilities of a Tim Horton's being blown to smithereens, I realized something extremely comforting.
Nobody wants to bomb Canada.
That would be like punching Chuck Norris's little brother in the face to make yourself look cool. Totally futile. Canada's big brother, America, would kick that idiot's ass. The best part is, everyone knows this. We have inadvertently been keeping Canada awesome for like a million years just because we're neighbors. You're welcome, little bro.
1.) You can run around Stanley Park and leave your pepper spray at home.
I did not worry about getting murdered even once while I was in Vancouver. If you know me, you know this is really saying something about a city. Also, I am pretty sure you get arrested if you bring pepper spray across the Canadian border. Canadians do not carry weapons. Hence, why a person can run without a fear of getting stabbed by a homeless person- which brings me to my next point.
2.) I saw 8.5 homeless people the whole time I was there.
Usually, I see more homeless people by the time I leave my block. Excellent job, Canada for keeping people employed and preventing public urination- which brings me to my next point.
3.) It doesn't smell like pee in Vancouver. At all.
Have you been to Pioneer Square? Furthermore, have you been to Portland? Then you appreciate a pee free zone as much as I do.
4.) Poutine.
Yes, you will absolutely feel like a disgusting human being if you eat this, but it always seems like a good idea at the time.
 |
| French fries, cheese curds, and gravy. Sick. Yum. |
5.) People are considerate. (They get out of your way.)
So, that f*@# yeah attitude that I love? Not so much when a burly fool is walking on my side of the sidewalk and refuses to move an inch so I don't trip and fall into rat infested bushes. In fact, sometimes, I purposely bump into people. Usually, I do this when I am running, and they are looking right at me. I think to myself, "Look at this asshole, I am clearly working harder than he is," and then I just brush 'em back a bit. But in the magical land of Canada, pedestrians can spot each other from approximately 6 blocks away, and promptly cross the street to avoid any conflict. This saves me from having to act like a jack wagon, and any time this happens, I view it as a plus.
I hope you're ready for the cons. (Come on, you had to know they were coming.)
1.) People don't know how to hustle.
Here in the U.S., a server at a restaurant will try to up-sell you on everything. For instance, if you find yourself low on beer, a member of the waitstaff will come by at the perfect time and refill your water glass to ask, yet mostly just tell you, "You guys need another beer?" In Canada, the servers walk away absentmindedly after pouring your water. This practically requires the customer to tackle them in order to get refills. I think they don't want to be pushy (see pro #5) and, therefore, avoid conflict at all costs. This is mostly fine- except when you need a second beer. (Which is always.)
 |
| Enjoy your beer while you can. Then get ready to throw down to earn your second pint. |
2.) The ketchup is too vinegar-y.
Yes, the ketchup has too much vinegar in it; plus, there is not even a bottle on your table. They bring mini ramekins out by request only. What if you really like ketchup? Combine that with the fact that you have to clothesline a server to get an item you are willing to pay for, such as booze, and you realize that you are SOL when it comes to obtaining free condiments.
3.) Their dollar is better (slightly) than ours.
Lame. When a country has coins referred to as Loonies and Toonies (not joking,) it begs the question as to whether this nation's choice in currency names is, perhaps, a commentary on the population's general mindset.
4.) They still answer to the Queen.
Queen Elizabeth is the head of state. You all know how I feel about England.
5.) There is barely any security when crossing from the US to Canada.
I have to say, the ease with which we got through the border patrol on the way to Canada was nice. It took all of two minutes to tell the agent we were visiting Vancouver for our anniversary. Yeah, it was nice... until I realized she believed us. Do you know how easy it would be to sneak, well, anything into that place? I could have brought my pepper spray after all, and those fools would have been none the wiser. I started to freak about all the terrorists that could sneak into Canada, undetected. Just when my brain was about to explode (no terrorist pun intended) at the possibilities of a Tim Horton's being blown to smithereens, I realized something extremely comforting.
Nobody wants to bomb Canada.
That would be like punching Chuck Norris's little brother in the face to make yourself look cool. Totally futile. Canada's big brother, America, would kick that idiot's ass. The best part is, everyone knows this. We have inadvertently been keeping Canada awesome for like a million years just because we're neighbors. You're welcome, little bro.
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