With a tow row row row row...

        As many of you know, I have recently returned from a trip to visit my sister in England.  The good news is, I had a great time with Stephanie, and we ran a half marathon together!  The bad news is, I had to go to England, which I mostly hate.

I didn't hate this place- they had good breakfast

        Now, in case you are British, or you love someone who is British, and I have, thereby, just insulted you and your whole family, I am sorry.  You really shouldn't take it personally.  My dislike of all things UK is a slight dramatic overreaction to do with a Bible school on a sheep farm and an inability to count foreign change.  Also, they could use a few more public restrooms- how is a person supposed to stay hydrated and keep from peeing her pants?  Nearly impossible.  And for the record, in a contest recently run by the British National Army Museum, George Washington was voted Britain's greatest foe (he beat Napoleon, P.S.,) so they have their issues with us too.

       Actually, I shouldn't say I dislike "all things UK" because I have never been to Ireland, and I really love Scotland.  What's to love about Scotland, you ask?  See for yourself...

Whiskey.  More importantly, whiskey on your nightstand at your B&B

Whiskey.  More importantly, whiskey that goes with breakfast

Traditional Scottish breakfast- obvi

Spooky historical tours

Spooky [and dead] historical tour guides

        Three of my favorite things are featured in this country: whiskey, breakfast, and ghosts. However, it's not a perfect place.  Get a load of this...

        This is a plus sized clothing store called "Big Ideas."  Excuse me, RUDE.  Who would want to shop at Big Ideas? Can you see the awkward conversations that happen because of this store?  "Great shirt, Fran where did you get it?"  "Oh, I popped over and picked it up at Big Ideas."  No thank you!  And did they really need to park a van that says "oink" in the shape of a pig on the hood right out front?  So insensitive.

       Still, I saw my sister...

 and I won this sparkly medal.

      So it was definitely worth the trip.  That being said, I'm glad to be home.  I like having a normal sized refrigerator. I like being able to hydrate without having a panic attack regarding where to find the next bathroom.  I like going to the grocery store and knowing how to count the change.  I like being able to understand the people I am speaking with (believe me, it's a whole different kind of English language over there- luckily, I had my sister as a translator.) 

        As the plane was landing at SeaTac yesterday, the theme song from "Team America World Police" was playing in my mind as the ultimate sound track for the situation.

        America! F@&* yeah! Here to save the mother f@#$ing day yeah!  

        Now you know that British people flying home from the States don't have visions of bald eagles and that bad ass theme song playing in their heads.  How great can it be if your plane landing music is very likely "British Grenadiers?"

        But of all the world's  great heroes there's none that can compare.

        With a tow row row row row row row, to the British Grenadiers.

       Believe me, it is not improved if you know the tune.  Also, this song is about a million years old, so it probably requires a flautist and a tambourine player for accompaniment.   I think we all know who wins here.