That Seagull Just Ate All our Cheese!

        Here's what's smarter not harder- working two days per week.  Boom.  That's what I did last week.  Most people work five days and have two days off, but I work two days and have five days off.  Nailed it.

Duhrrrrrr. I read this before my flight to LGB

        My reward for spending 10 days in blasted England was flying to Cali and going to Catalina for my friend's 30th birthday celebration.

This is us.  She's pregnant.  Note the casino in the back ground.  (It is no longer a working casino.)

        Now, if you've ever been to Catalina Island, you know there isn't a whole lot to do besides drink and fend off murderous seagulls who are trying to steal your snack cheese.

Nick minding his own business, oblivious to the evil seagull over his shoulder.

        If you haven't been to Catalina, then you are probably a commoner who goes camping for vacation.  In which case, I am surprised you are reading this because it's way out of your league.  Unless of course, you are my mortal enemy(s) and are studying this blog in order to strategically plot my demise.  If you fall into the latter category, well played.  

       Anyway, I digress...

        

        If you have  been to Catalina, and realize my point about the strange combination of alcohol and seagull attacks, you know this makes you S.O.L. if you happen to be pregnant.  (See above picture of E. F. Johnston- joke's on her.)  This is precisely why we almost died paddle boarding.

        While everyone else was drinking homemade margaritas and giggling maniacally about the dinner menu including meatballs, Fairbanks was totally sober.  (So was I, but only because now that I'm old, I get hang-overs.  It is the worst.) We were surrounded by drunk fools; thus, the next obvious step was to go paddle boarding.  So, since I am a stellar friend- plus I look awesome doing water sports- I was her partner in crime.  

We have been P.I.C. many times before...before we realized headbands are for college students only.

        It turns out that a pregnant lady on a paddle board = mini disaster.   To be fair, it was her baby's fault that she had horrible balance (that little jack wagon.)  Also, she was freaking-the-french-toast-out because we were plagued by killer seals who kept trying to knock her off her board.

        Now, the rational mind knows that in the unlikely event a rogue seal had bumped her into the *freezing* cold water, it was only because he wanted to hug her with his slimy flippers, and congratulate her on her baby and 30th birthday. Then again, I have never had a rational mind, and Fairbanks has clearly never watched Animal Nightmares.  To be fair, I have not seen an episode where the killer was a seal...yet.  Also, Animal Nightmares almost always occur in the deadliest place ever (Australia,) and the murderers are an even split between great white sharks and salt water crocodiles.   You'd think we were safe. 

        I reassuringly screeched, "Don't worry, Fairbanks, that seal that is 2 feet in front of us will not tip us over."

        Translation:  holy shit, this seal is taunting us and then he is going to tip us over an eat us.  That monster!  We are the next episode of "Animal Nightmares" waiting to happen.  I played it cool, though, so Preggers wouldn't lose it.  Thankfully, we have both lived to tell the tale.

No thanks to this jerk

        If you ever have the misfortune of being pregnant on Catalina Island, and find yourself next on the long list of victims in Animal Nightmares, make sure you act natural.  Seagulls and baby seals can smell fear.