Who invited this guy?

And why wouldn't I be wearing a crown and sunglasses with a mom outfit on?

        This pretty much sums up how I look before, during, and after a running event:  mentally challenged.  Running buddy Katie and I did the *Inaugural* Portland Rock 'n' Roll 1/2 Marathon.  I thought she would leave me in the dust, but we ended up running the entire 13.1 miles together.  It was fun!  Don't you kind of want to punch someone who says running 13.1 miles is fun?  Me too.  I just punched myself in the arm for you- you're welcome.

We sort of have matching outfits on- doesn't that look like fun?

        Here's what else I've been up to lately: spilling on strangers.  You heard me.  Now, I spill things on myself all the time.  No big deal.  When you start spazzing out and spilling on random fools in public, you might need some anti-epileptic medications.

        A couple weeks ago I spilled beer on a lady's head, which would have been par for the course at a sporting event, except I was totally sober.  I didn't trip and I had plenty of room to move, yet somehow I spilled a blob of beer square on the top of her head.  Luckily, she seemed cool.  I was super embarrassed, and apologized profusely-obvi.

Blerg.

        Today I flew to work again (and barely lived to tell the tale, thanks to a little bastard called Turbulence.)  At the airport this morning I was about to sit down at the gate.  (What I am about to tell you is my real life.)  Somehow, as I sat down, coffee flew from my Americano cup across the aisle, diagonally to land on an unsuspecting random fool's jeans.  I tried to act cool.  Maybe he didn't notice!  Then I snuck a peak at the dude's knee, and there it was.  A painfully obvious coffee stain the size of a silver dollar loomed above his patella.  Our eyes met...

        "I'm sorry!" I giggled, "I don't even know how I did that.  Do you want a napkin?"  Note to self: do not giggle at someone when you have just ruined their favorite pants.  You are too old to giggle and get away with it. Also, you were wearing high water khakis and a cardigan- if you absolutely must giggle, don't dress like your mom.  Do some laundry, will you?

        He just looked at me like the lunatic that I am, and said it was fine.  I'm lucky we weren't flying to New York City- in which case everyone would have been in suits and fancy pants.  Thankfully, we were flying to a place where cowboy hats and denim reign supreme.  What if I f*&#@d up a dude's Armani suit or some crap like that?    What if I someday spill a hot beverage on Dog the Bounty Hunter?!  I could end up dead or badly mangled in either scenario.

I don't think you want to spill coffee on this- I'm pretty sure he shot an old lady once

     ALERT:   I just put the lap top down for a dinner break.  Spilled on myself while writing a blog about spilling on people.  Is the Liz Lemon character on 30 Rock based off of me?  I wish.  At least then I would be a writer for T.V. and Alec Baldwin would be my co-star.

My Co-star sleeps through a lot of our scenes- he gets tired from being so awesome.

        Look people, there is no major life lesson to be learned here.  I'm old and I spill on myself and others.  I guess there is one lesson to be learned: don't wear good clothes around me.   This is why we can't have nice things.