A Near Cat-tastrophe

        Sorry for the absence of posts, people, I have been down and out with the cold of the century. Stupid. Also, the Pack lost last week. Double stupid.

        All of us kids are at Mom and Dad's new house in Eastern Washington, and It doesn't quite feel like Christmas, since I didn't have to hop a plane to the frozen tundra of Green Bay.   It's cold here, but there's no snow.   It may be my first brown Christmas because even the times I have stayed in Washington there have been freak Christmas snow storms.   Ah well, much easier to drive with out snow mucking up the works.

        My parents' house is brand new, and really beautiful.   There are all hardwood floors, granite counters, and a kick ass giant pool.   Problem is, the giant pool is closed for the winter-obvi- and the hardwood floors have been pledged to a terrifying sheen.   My dad stays up late at night and puts Pledge on the floors until they gleam.   We're talking every night, here, folks.   Needless to say, since our arrival, Ben, Stephanie, Eric, and I have nearly broken our necks via floor accident about twenty times a piece.

Danger lurks below

        Poor Kittles can hardly walk on the floor. Her furry little paws slip-slide out from under her. The first time she hopped off the couch onto the floor, it was like Bambi on ice. She ended up spinning out with all four legs in opposite directions, bless her heart.

imagine a persian cat doing this

        Speaking of Kittles, she disappeared for a minute this morning, and as you might imagine, I lost my shit.   I woke up, and skated out to the living room, no Lola.   I thought it a bit strange that she didn't come out from hiding because she is usually very excited to play when a human wakes up, and wants attention.  But I figured she was hiding somewhere, pissed that she had left her miniature kitty ice skates at home, thus rendering them useless to help her navigate the slick floors.

       I looked under every bed, in the closets, in the bathtub- still no Lola.   I started to get a bad feeling in my stomach.   My mom and brother and sister had gone to the gym, and what if she snuck out while one of those fools left the door open?!  All I could picture was a frozen, squashed, lifeless Kittles, and panic mode set in.  I hate to admit it, but I started crying.   "She's not here!"   "It's okay," Eric said, "We'll find her," but I could see he was worried too.   "She's already DEAD," I shouted hysterically.   I flew into my parent's room where my dad was trying to sleep, and screeched, "What's the number to Mom's gym?!!! Kittles is gone!"   I raced out of the room to get my coat, and narrowly avoided a spinal cord injury as I slid across the killer floor.

        My dad stumbled into the living room, dazed having been scared awake by a mad woman.   "I am going to kill the person who let her out!" I raged.   My dad defended himself, "I didn't let her out!"   "It's not about you dad! I don't care who did it, they are DEAD!"  I ranted on.   I threw on my coat and was about to get in the car to begin the search, when I decided to look in one last spot...

        That little jack wagon was under the couch.

Good thing I didn't alert the authorities

        Happy Holidays. Hold your loved ones-furry and otherwise- close this season, and try not to spaz out too much.